Melanie's Brutally Honest and Wildly Inappropriate Breast Cancer Story: Introduction

My story begins on January 7, 2015 when I felt a small lump in my left breast in the shower. I called my OB immediately and made an appointment for the next day. She examined me and said it was probably just a cyst and not to be worried, but she wanted me to have an ultrasound. That couldn't be scheduled for 3 weeks so I waited anxiously and tried to put it out of my mind. The ultrasound was nerve-wracking, but at the end of the scan, the young woman radiologist came into the dimly lit room and told me my 8mm mass was perfectly smooth and round, and did NOT look like cancer. She was able to say with 98% certainty that this was just a benign fibroadenoma, and said she could not even recommend a biopsy. Well, I was freaked out having this thing in my boob that I knew I would feel and obsess over every day and wanted to know for sure that it was nothing to worry about, so I asked my OB to schedule me for a biopsy. Again, that took weeks to schedule but this time I was feeling less worried since the radiologist felt so confident it was nothing.

My biopsy was on March 13th. My husband came along with me but was not allowed in the room. A great team of nice nurses and doctors held my hand and made me laugh and chat through the whole thing. It was no sweat, and I left feeling sure that I'd get a call with a benign biopsy in a few days and move on with my life.

On March 17th, my family went out to dinner for St. Patrick's day and got home around 8pm. We were late getting the girls home and into bed so I was already feeling frazzled when the phone rang and I saw my midwife's name on the caller ID. Uh-oh. That was bad. Lisa was calling me late at night... my stomach clenched. I let Kevin take the girls upstairs to start bedtime and went to my bedroom and shut the door. Lisa was using her gentle "bad news" voice that I'd unfortunately heard 4 years prior when she had to tell me my 26-week pregnancy had become non-viable. I heard her say the words "cancer" and "invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 3" and I fell to my knees on the bedroom floor. I could hear and feel my heart pounding out of my chest and the room was spinning. This couldn't be happening. I have two beautiful little girls. I was filled with shock and disbelief.

The next couple of days were spent just reeling from this news and trying to figure out what to do. I was able to get in touch with an oncologist who is friends with my boss, and she told me I'd be okay but that it would be best to go to a big cancer center like Dana Farber to get the best game plan from the start. We managed to get an appointment with the team there for the following Thursday. I was also set up with an appointment with a local breast surgeon for that Friday, 3 days away. It felt like an eternity waiting to talk to a doctor about the next steps. Kevin and I spent a lot of time reading online and most of it just freaked us out more. I also received the news a couple of days later that my tumor was "Triple Negative", which means the cancer cells lack hormone receptors that make it amenable to certain treatments. This type of cancer is more aggressive and likely to spread and recur. That news was also devastating and the initial feelings of horror came rushing back.

The meeting with the surgeon went well. She thought I should have a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy, then chemo and radiation. We set up surgery for about 2 1/2 weeks away, which again felt like an eternity, but it felt good to have a plan.

The next Thursday we went to Dana Farber in Boston and met with a whole team of specialists. They agreed with my surgeon's plan and talked to me more about specifics of the chemo and radiation I would need. The 3 doctors there all assured me I would beat this and be completely fine, which brought tears to my eyes each time they said it. I was going to do whatever these doctors said I needed to do to get better and be there for my girls. While I was at Dana Farber, I also met with a genetic counselor who talked to me about my family history. We decided that I needed to have the breast cancer (BRCA) gene testing, as a young woman with Triple Negative cancer, but based on my family history of some other cancers as well, she offered me a bigger genetic cancer gene panel. I agreed to do it all - I wanted to know what my risk was of having this happen again, and what genes I may have passed onto my girls. The BRCA test would take 2 weeks to come back, and the rest would take about 4 weeks. I left there feeling much better after they told me I'd be okay. I was going to get through this.

The next Tuesday (yesterday), the local breast surgeon sent me to the hospital to have some more thorough breast imaging done. They told me that 10% of women diagnosed with breast cancer will also have a second tumor in one of her breasts. I had a full ultrasound, breast MRI and mammogram. I was horrified when the radiologist found 2 more spots in the same left breast that looked similar to my tumor. He said they could be nothing, but that he was concerned. He biopsied both of them after a long day of scary and painful tests, and I left the hospital once again feeling broken and full of despair. I might have MORE CANCER?!? You've gotta be kidding me. Every time I felt like this was going to be okay, I got more bad news and started back at ground zero emotionally.

So now I'm healing from the biopsy and feeling terrified, waiting to talk to the surgeon about the biopsy results in the next day or two. If there are more cancerous tumors, I will need a full mastectomy of that breast. My BRCA testing will still be pending for another week, which is frustrating, because if that is positive, I would need a double mastectomy to prevent another future cancer anyways. I am starting to think, after how scary and painful all that testing was yesterday, that I may just want both breasts removed. That would be a much bigger surgery, but when the healing was over, I would go through chemo and then not have to go through radiation or any future breast monitoring. I don't know... it's so hard to make decisions without all the information laid out before me. Waiting is agony.

I know that I'm going to get through this, but it would be really nice to know when, where and how. The plan will be solidified in the next few days so all I can do is try to hang on. I am so lucky to have the support of my awesome family and so many wonderful friends in this process. My husband is my rock and I couldn't do this without him, and my girls are my main motivation. They need me here, and this is where I'm going to be till I'm good and old. You're stuck with me, world!